Long Distance
by Morticia'sGrandRomance
Summary: Interactions between Frasier, Lilith, and Frederick based on snippets of conversations from various episodes. Possibility for some additional, completely from the mind of the author chapters depending on reception of this story. Martin, Niles, Daphne, and Roz (and Eddie too) will make appearances as well.
1. Here's Looking At You

_Author's Note: This idea came to me a while ago, and I've finally gotten around to writing it down. The next chapter will be longer, and should be up tomorrow (maybe Monday at the latest)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Frasier_

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><p>Frasier and Daphne were watching out the balcony window, Daphne attempting to entice Martin back to his telescope, when the phone rang.<p>

"I'll get it," Frasier said, growing weary of the physiotherapist's game.

"Hello, Doctor Frasier Crane."

"My, but you answer your home phone formally," came a stoic voice from the other end of the line.

"Lilith," Frasier replied in recognition. "To what do I owe this _pleasure_?"

"No need to sound so bitter, Frasier," Lilith's voice softened. "Frederick wants to talk to you."

"It must be nearly eleven p.m. in Boston, what's a child of three doing awake?"

"He had a nightmare, I tried to soothe him myself, but for some reason he keeps insisting he wants you."

"I can't imagine why," Frasier replied sarcastically.

"Stop it," Lilith warned. "Hang on."

There was a brief mumbling from the other end and then a tiny voice entered his ear.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Frederick, I'm here. What's wrong?"

"I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?" Frasier questioned patiently.

"Senator Thurmond," Frederick whimpered. "In my closet."

"Now, Frederick, I'm certain that you were just having a dream," Frasier responded. "Did you get your mother to look inside your closet for you and show you he's not there?"

There was silence on the other end, for what Frasier could only assume was his son asking Lilith to check the closet.

"She's looking now," Frederick came back on the line.

"Good, she'll show you that all that's in your closet is clothes, and toys."

There was a brief pause, "Did I wake you up, daddy?"

"No, Freddie," Frasier replied. "I was just sitting here with Grandad and Daphne."

"Tell Grandad I love him," Frederick said. "And that I liked the gun he sent me. Well, I think I did. Mother smashed it with a croquet mallet and said only fools play with guns."

"I'll tell him," Frasier affirmed, rolling his eyes at his ex-wife's rash reaction to the gift.

"Mother is back," Frederick whispered. "She says it's empty."

"Good," Frasier replied. "Now, are you going to go and try and get some more sleep?"

"What if she's wrong?"

"Is your mother ever wrong?"

"Maybe, just this one time?" Frederick whimpered, clearly afraid to go back to his room.

"No listen to daddy," Frasier soothed. "It's just a bad dream, I promise you. Senator Thurmond is not in your closet."

"Okay, daddy."

"That's a good boy," Frasier smiled into the phone.

Frederick stifled a yawn.

"Okay, yes, you go back to bed."

"I love you daddy," Frederick mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah, I love you too. Listen, I'll see you next weekend."

"Okay, good night."

"Okay, bye bye," he hung up the phone.

Martin looked up, "How's Freddie?"

"Oh, Frederick is fine," Frasier replied, returning the phone to its shelf. "Oh, he sends his love. He said to thank you for the toy gun you gave him. At least what he can remember of it before Lilith smashed it to bits with a croquet mallet."

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><p><em>Season One, Episode Five<em>

Martin: How's Freddie?

Frasier: Oh, Frederick is fine. Oh, he sends his love. He said to thank you for the toy gun you gave him.  
>At least what he can remember of it before Lilith smashed it to bits with a croquet mallet.<p> 


	2. Liar Liar

_Author's Note: Thank you for the review Kristen3  
><em>

_Disclaimer: I do not own Frasier_

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><p>Frasier picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.<p>

"Sternin residence," came a chipper voice on the other end.

"Hi Freddie, it's your father," Frasier replied.

"Oh, hi, dad," Frederick replied. "When are you coming for a visit?"

"Soon, that's what I'm calling about actually. I want to discuss with your mother when would be a good time for her."

"Okay."

There was a small crash as the eight year old dropped the phone and went scurrying off to find his mother. A few minutes later a cool voice came through.

"Hello, Frasier."

"Hello, Lilith," Frasier smiled slightly. "How are you? How's Brian?"

"We're fine," Lilith replied, but did not elaborate. "How are you?"

"Oh, fine, fine," he responded.

"Frederick said you wanted to arrange a visit?"

"Yes," Frasier pulled his calendar from his pocket and looked at the dates.

He could hear the rustling of papers on the other end, and knew Lilith had just done the exact same thing.

"We're available from the fourteenth to the twenty-fifth, how does that work with your schedule?" Lilith asked.

"Couldn't have planned it more perfectly," Frasier penciled in the dates. "Those are exactly the days I'm available too."

"We were always very in sync," Lilith allowed a moment of reminiscing. "Is that all?"

"Couldn't we talk for a while longer?" Frasier asked, unusually he was alone in the apartment.

"Sure," Lilith replied unexpectedly. "What would you like to talk about?"

"Freddie, perhaps?" Frasier suggested.

His ex-wife let out a sudden, uncharacteristic chuckle, "I have quite a story to tell you about that little boy."

"Oh?"

"He's taken to the habit of lying," Lilith informed him. "I've tried to stop him, and usually I catch him in the act, before it gets out of hand. But apparently there's one lie that was going on for quite a while before I found out about it."

"What was it?" Frasier asked, a smile on his face.

"Well," Lilith began. "It seems he has been telling his friends that I am an alien."

Frasier bit his tongue to stop himself laughing.

"He told them I had a secret third eye on the back of my head, and that's why I always wear it up," she paused. "Frasier, I can hear your stifled laughter."

He suddenly burst out, "I'm sorry, Lilith."

She made a slight harrumphing noise, but he could hear that she was starting to laugh a little too.

"Well, how did you find out about all this in the end?"

"I was driving Frederick to his Junior Mensa meeting, and carpooling Jonathan and Christopher, and I noticed the three of them pulling faces at the other cars, while I was looking in the rear view mirror. Naturally I warned them by telling them 'I can see you', and Frederick's friends started screaming, Christopher even wet his pants."

Frasier wasn't even trying to conceal his laughter at this point.

"When I pulled over, I had a few words with Frederick, and the truth came out."

"Did you punish him?" Frasier had to ask.

"Oh, of course," Lilith replied slyly. "I gave him a small taste of his own medicine. I told his friends that if I were an alien, reasonably, Frederick would be too. They didn't talk for the entire rest of the trip, and didn't take their eyes off either Frederick or myself. I gave up the game when we arrived at the meeting though. I believe Frederick is still a little irate at me, but he hasn't lied since."

"You're a little guileful, you know that?" Frasier told her.

"Oh, yes," Lilith replied. "Frederick's just walked in, I have to drive him to school. I'll see you next week, Frasier."

"Good bye, Lilith," Frasier responded. "Give Frederick a hug from me."

"I will."

There was a click, and she was gone.

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><p><em>Season Four, Episode Ten<br>_

Frasier: You know, Lilith actually told me the other day that Frederick has taken to lying. Yes, he told all of his friends that Lilith is an alien.

Martin: Seems as good an explanation as any!

Frasier: He also told them that she wears her hair in a bun to hide the third eye in the back of her head.

Roz: How did Lilith find out?

Frasier: Well, apparently she was driving him and two of his friends to a Junior Mensa meeting, when she looked in the rearview mirror and saw that they were making faces at the other cars. So, never have the words "_I _can see you!" caused so much screaming and wetting of pants!


End file.
